Confessions of a Bounty Hunter Wannabe
by Serena Kenobi
Summary: These are the misadventures of a clumsy young woman trying to become one of the best bounty hunters the Star Wars galaxy has ever seen. Features our favorite heroes and villains from the Original Trilogy and EU.
1. Chapter 1

**Confessions of a Bounty Hunter Wannabe**

**By Serena Kenobi **

**Summary: Ralax Dierce, a clumsy young woman from Corellia, is determined to become the best bounty hunter the galaxy has ever seen. However, wanting to become something and actually becoming something are two completely different things.**

**A/N: This story falls right around Shadows of the Empire and during and after ROTJ. This story will feature canon characters and EU canon characters as well... like a Corellian Gunnery Sergeant... hehe! The paragraphs in italics are her journal, and the normal text is her story in third-person. This is NOT meant to be a serious story. There are some serious parts, but for the most part it's supposed to be humorous. Comments are appreciated. I do not own Star Wars, but I do own any characters that I create.**

**Disclaimer: Me no own Star Wars. You no sue me.**

* * *

**Chapter One - Meet Ralax Dierce**

_Journal Entry One_

_These are the recorded events of me. Well, obviously. I'm not writing this journal for entertainment purposes, I just feel like writing down my thoughts._

_I feel the need for an introduction._

_The name's Ralax. Ralax Dierce._

_And no, I'm not a boy. I'm a girl. A simple girl, just another girl trying to make her way in the universe._

_See? I can even quote the best of the best._

_But that doesn't exactly mean that I'm the best of the best. Far from it. Oh, I'd like to be, but I'm not. I'm trying to get there, but it's gonna take me a while._

_But before I begin my sad little misadventure, let me tell you a few things about myself. First, I'm a standard human female, born on the great planet of Corellia. Man, I love that planet. Love the guys there, too, even if they are the most self-centered and egotistical men in the entire galaxy. They never shut up._

_Moving on._

_Second, I'm normal height for a human, maybe 5' 8", 5'9". I don't have blonde hair and blue eyes, but all the guys I meet tell me I'm gorgeous. Don't believe 'em. I actually am kinda average. I have a slim build, but my face is a little round. I'm not in bad shape or anything like that, but I'm not a stick, either. Well, there goes that career as one of Jabba's dancers. Anyways, I have jet-black hair that's kinda wavy, hazel eyes, and a small nose. Maybe too small, but I can't change that._

_My history is plain and boring. That's one of the reasons I decided to become a bounty hunter, get some action._

_I grew up on Corellia. Went to school, had a normal-ish family (my dad left my mom for another woman, so it was always just she and I), and a normal-ish life._

_Snooze._

_Echuta, I'm boring myself, here._

_Enough about that. I'm twenty-three, and I was so tired of this dull life that I one day jumped up and ran out the door, screaming to my mom that I was going to turn Rebel and become a bounty hunter._

* * *

Ralax was bored. Very bored. So bored, in fact, that even on a nice Saturday morning, she had nothing to do but watch the Holonet. Her job of selling datapads didn't start until 1300 hours, so she had some time to kill. As she watched the screen before her, she flicked through the channels until she came up on a news story about famed bounty hunter Boba Fett and his success in capturing Rebel Han Solo.

"The infamous Rogue pilot has been confirmed to be taken to Jabba the Hutt on the distant planet of Tatooine. Back to you, Jas," the female news reporter said.

Ralax stared, the wheels in her head turning. Suddenly, she jumped up, ran into the kitchen, and abruptly crashed into her mother, who was at the moment baking cupcakes. As Ralax wiped the brown-colored frosting out of her eyes, she said, "Hey, Mom."

"Hey, Ralax. Watch where you're going, okay? These cupcakes are very dainty." Her mother spread some chocolate frosting on one, apparently ignoring her daughter's accident.

Ralax stared at her mother. "Uh, yeah..." she shook her head. "Hey, what would you say if I decided that I wanted a change of career? A very dramatic change?"

"Depends on the change, dear. If you're looking for a new job, ask Joric. You know he's into hair styling, and I'm sure he could get you a job."

Ralax took a deep breath in and prepared herself for the worst. "No way. I've had it with this planet and my job. I'm going to become a bounty hunter."

Her mother was clearly unphazed. "That's nice, dear. Don't forget to pick up some blue milk at the store while you're out."

* * *

_I had sighed, rolled my eyes, and tried to convince her that I was being serious. She didn't take me seriously, though. She never did, and to this day, she never will._

_I then ran out of the apartment screaming bloody murder in my seething rage and threatened to kill myself if she didn't believe me._

_Here's her response: "Dear, do get off the roof. You could hurt yourself up there." All of this was said in an unperturbed manner._

_I could've so killed her. But, being the wuss that I was, I didn't. I'm now regretting my decision._

* * *

  
Ralax drove her one-person speeder to a friend's house; well, the only person she even considered a friend. She hopped out of the speeder and banged on the door. It opened to reveal a young man with bleached blonde hair and green eyes.

"Ralax! What're you doing here?" He asked, sounding slightly annoyed.

Ralax shifted from one foot to the other. "Nice to see you, too, Joric," she said wryly. "I, uh, want to ask your opinion on a career choice, as my mom isn't very helpful in that department."

"Career choice? Hey, are you gonna–"

"No, I'm NOT going into the hair styling business!"

Joric scowled. "Your loss. Anyways, come on in. It's kinda a mess right now."

"Jor, it's always a mess," Ralax said, stepping inside the small apartment.

He glared at her. "Not all the time. You're exaggerating. Now what did you want to ask me about?"

Ralax took a deep breath and seriously hoped she wouldn't regret this.

Ten seconds later, Joric was having a hard time breathing.

"You – you want – you want to become – a – bounty hunter?" He gasped for breath, suddenly bursting into another fit of laughter.

Ralax glowered. "Forget I said anything," she grumbled.

Joric merely continued laughing.

"Oh, what wonderful friends I have," Ralax said in annoyance, going for the door, "I'm going to be so sad when I leave."

* * *

_It was nice to have all that support from Joric. What a bantha-brained nerf-herder. I hate him._

_Anyway, the next day I just upped and left, taking all my things, including my blankie and stuffed bantha. I'm still not sure if Mom knows I'm gone. She never was the brightest bulb on the planet._

_Using all the credits I had left, I bought myself a passage on a passenger vessel and headed for the one place I knew could help jump-start my career: Coruscant._

* * *

Ralax strolled through the lower levels of the huge ship, grumbling to herself. _It's not enough that my mother doesn't believe a word I say, nobody else does, either! She fumed, brushing a lock of raven hair back from her face. Sometimes I just want to strangle her!_

Sighing, the twenty-three year old woman walked slowly along the hallways, passing refugees, stormtroopers, families who were moving to another planet, and ruffians most likely looking for an easy person to pickpocket.

"No! Get away! Bad Rodian! Shoo! SHOO!" Ralax shouted, waving her hand at a Rodian who didn't understand a wink of Basic as he tried to slip his hand into her pocket. Clearly, he didn't get the 'go away' part, as he kept hovering around the miffed girl, looking for a moment when she was caught unawares and he could take her money.

Clearly he didn't attend Rodian Professional Pickpocketing Prep School.

"Don't you understand Basic?" Ralax asked, irritated. The Rodian just blinked with his dark eyes. She huffed. "Obviously not." She took a deep breath, said in the calmest voice she could come up with, "GO AWAY!"

The Rodian understood that and skittered away down the hall. Ralax smirked triumphantly at her own ability to scare people off and continued her oh-so-jolly stroll.

"Uh, excuse me?"

Ralax stopped and turned around. "What?" She snapped. _I gotta learn to be tough… think tough. Tough, tough, tough… what would Boba Fett do?_ She eyed the Twi'lek in front of her. "Whaddya you want?" She growled, trying to sound menacing but coming across like she was choking.

The Twi'lek frowned. "Are you all right? Your voice sounds funny."

Ralax blushed. "I'm fine!" She decided to switch back to her normal voice. "What do you want?"

The Twi'lek female blinked. "Oh, I just wanted to know where you got your shirt. I really like it."

Ralax looked down. "My shirt? Oh jeez, I don't know. It's an old hand-me-down from like three generations. I personally hate it, but thanks anyways." Wanting to return the compliment, she looked at the Twi'lek's outfit. "I, uh, like your dress."

The Twi'lek beamed. "Thank you. I just bought it."

"So, where you headed?" Ralax couldn't help but like the friendly female. _Friendly female… hee hee hee, assonance!_ She grinned inwardly at her own random joke.

"I'm going to Coruscant. Probably going to apply for a dancer's position in a club or something, but if I can't get that I'll be a waitress or a bartender. You?"

"Coruscant. I, erm, sort of…" Ralax trailed off, reddening.

"What?" The other asked curiously.

"I wanna become a bounty hunter," Ralax muttered under her breath.

The Twi'lek leaned in. "Beg your pardon?"

Ralax sighed. "I said, I want to become a bounty hunter."

"A… bounty hunter?" The Twi'lek seemed amused.

Ralax grew angry. "See? Even you don't think I can do it!" She whisked around and began striding away. "Well, I will! I'll do it! I'll become the greatest bounty hunter the entire galaxy has ever seen! And I'll show yo–"

She suddenly smashed into a waiter droid pushing a tray full of cakes and cookies and fell, her feet flying over her head, onto the ground.

The Twi'lek moved quickly towards her. "Are you all right? Are you injured?" She asked, concerned.

Ralax sat up, her entire face and body covered in pasty whites, pinks, and purple frosting. She licked her lips. "Only my pride," she said stiffly.

The Twi'lek held out a hand, and Ralax grudgingly took it. "I'm sure you'll recover. I'm Ahsk' demilia."

"Ask de who?" Ralax frowned, trying to pronounce the confusing name.

The Twi'lek grinned. "Ahsk'demilia. It's a bit hard to say, so you can call me Mia."

"Mia?" Ralax echoed. "Spelled M-i-a?"

The other nodded.

Ralax smirked. "As in MIA? Missing In Action?"

Mia blinked, bewildered. "I guess…"

"Astra!" Ralax blurted out randomly, shaking her hand enthusiastically. "I'm Ralax Dierce. But you can call me Ralax."

"Ralax Dierce... a strange name." Mia discreetly wiped her hand, which was now covered in various shades of frosting.

Ralax scowled. "Speak for yourself. Ask-de-whoozie-macallit isn't much better." She pulled her hand away.

"Touche." Mia didn't seem at all phased.

After a small silence, Ralax looked around. "Well, uh, it was nice meeting you," she said awkwardly.

Mia nodded. "You as well. Maybe we'll run into each other again before we reach Coruscant."

"Maybe. Bye, Missing." Ralax grinned and walked away.

_Okay, so Mia has a hard name to pronounce. I sorta like her. I hope I can see her again before we land, cause I'd like to talk to her again. Maybe it's because she's the only sensible person I've ever known, and I hardly even know her. Ah, well. I hope this whole bounty hunter thing will turn my life around, cause Vader knows I need it. We'll see how things go. I just hope I don't have any more run-ins with some kind of dessert. Ralax out._

* * *

_**This is kinda serious, kinda not. It's purely for fun. Don't forget to leave a review! Flames will be tarred and feathered.**_

_**MtFbwy,**_

_**-Serena Kenobi**_


	2. Chapter 2

**Confessions of a Bounty Hunter Wannabe**

**By Serena Kenobi**

**Author's note: After changing the first chapter, I thought it was a good idea to update. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: Me no own Star Wars. You no sue me.**

* * *

**Chapter Two: Partners in Crime...Sort Of**

_Journal Entry Two_

_Well, it's been four blasted days in this blasted ship. I think I shall have to kill myself if I don't get some fresh air soon. What can I say, I like the outdoors!_

_So far, the past few days have been pretty much the same old, same old. Here's a rundown of what I've done:_

_Get up. Try not to trip over anything I left on the floor._

_Go to the Mess Hall and eat. Once again, trying not to trip over anything on the floor, i.e. feet._

_Jog around the ship. Again, trying not to trip over anyone or anything. So far, I haven't had much luck in any of these situations. I think I owe at least ten people money for helping them to break something._

_Go back to my room. This time I made sure I didn't leave anything on the floor, but with me, anything can happen. I could trip over the blasted bed._

_But on day five, I ran (literally) into Missing In Action. I don't care for Mia or Ash de la de da de da. Force, I can't even pronounce her name. I've mentally christened her Missing In Action, and that's what I'm going to keep calling her. Missing for short. If she doesn't like it, big deal. I gotta learn to be tough._

* * *

Ralax jogged down the corridor, her head down, and suddenly, she bumped into something and was sent flying back on her butt. Blowing hair out of her face, she scowled. "Hey, watch where you're going!"

The familiar Twi'lek looked back at her. "What?" Her face relaxed into a grin. "Ralax!" She hopped up gracefully, and Ralax wished for the umpteenth time that she had just the slightest amount of poise. "How're you doing? Being your clumsy self as usual, I see," she teased.

Ralax couldn't help but grin. "Yeah, yeah, yeah. What about you? I think I'm gonna die in this ship."

"Why?"

"Well," Ralax began counting off her fingers, "I'm either gonna get food poisoning and die, or I'm gonna trip over something sharp and I'll die, or I'll trip over someone who is holding something sharp and I'll die, or I'll annoy someone so much by accidentally running into them and then they'll kill me and I'll die, or I'll commit suicide from being cooped up in this junk heap and die."

Mia blinked. "Uh... okay then..."

Ralax smiled as if everything was normal. "So there ya have it."

"But, you do want to get to Coruscant before you die, right?"

Ralax shrugged. "Sure. I still have to become a bounty hunter so I can kill my friend."

Mia raised an eyebrow. "Kill your friend?"

"Yeah. The hair stylist back on Corellia. The one who laughed at me," Ralax explained.

"But you shouldn't just kill your friend because she-"

"Uh, she's a he. The cretin's name is Joric, and I hate him."

Mia reddened. "Uh, okay." She shook her head. "Anyways, listen, Ralax. Bounty hunters just don't go out killing people, they find out who has a bounty on his or her head, then goes out and captures them or kills them, whoever is putting out the bounty, and then they bring them back to the client."

"Oh," Ralax said, feeling rather foolish.

* * *

_How was I supposed to know that bounty hunters didn't go out killing people? I'm not that ignorant!_

_Okay, maybe I am. But that doesn't mean I'm not clueless!_

_Okay, maybe it does. Wait, don't clueless and ignorant mean the same thing?_

_Okay, maybe they do._

_What's my point again?_

* * *

"You know, Ralax," Mia mused, "your name sounds like 'rela-"

"One more word," Ralax hissed, "just one more and I'll kick you right on your Twi'lek butt."

Mia grinned. "Sorry. My bad."

Ralax turned and continued to stroll through the halls, and Mia followed, coming up beside her. "Any luck with the dancing thing?" Ralax asked.

Mia shook her head sadly. "No... no one's replied to my advertisement yet."

"Sorry. Wish I could help," Ralax said. Suddenly she stopped. "Hang on."

"What?"

"Look, Missing," Ralax said, "Can you fly? Like, fly a ship?"

Mia nodded, a confused expression on her face. "I don't see what this has to-"

"Just listen," Ralax interrupted. "I'm trying to become a bounty hunter. You're trying to become a dancer. Maybe we could help each other out."

"How so?" Mia asked, subtly ignoring the strange nickname that had been given to her.

"I know zip about Coruscant. You probably know diddly-squat as well. We'll both be naïve together, keep an eye out for each other. You could be my co-pilot if necessary. So what do you say? Partners?" Ralax began walking backwards, facing Mia as they strolled down the corridor.

Unfortunately, Mia didn't have time to reply because Ralax crashed into a moving waiter droid, who was carrying a tray of drinks in its grasp. Ralax tumbled to the floor, different kinds of beverages dripping all over her.

Mia stifled a laugh and moved to help her. "Ral, do you always get into these kinds of situations?"

Ralax nodded miserably. "I can't help it!" She wailed, and curled up into a ball.

Mia pulled her up and held out a cloth. "Here. You need it more than the droid does."

Ralax nodded gratefully and rubbed it on her face and hair. "These clothes'll need a wash," she said dejectedly. "Thanks."

"But seriously, does this happen to you a lot?" The Twi'lek asked.

"Yeah. I'm kinda a magnet for clumsiness," Ralax admitted.

"Then you're gonna need all the help you can get." Mia grabbed her hand. "Someone's gotta watch out for you. Partners."

Ralax grinned.

* * *

_So, I have a partner in crime. Finally! This is gonna be so great. I'll finally have someone to talk to, someone who has sense! She might be able to keep me alive for the next week or two. Maybe even month! We're gonna pool our money and resources to help each other. She's told me that if she doesn't get a dancing job, she'll become my full-time pilot._

_Missing's cool. She can help me, and I can help her. It'll be nice to have a friend._

_Wow. There's a strange word, seeing as how I've hardly used it._

_I'll write more later. Right now I'm tired. I need to gather up all my bounty hunter strength._

_Ralax out._

_PS: Note to self: Get a good, strong bounty hunter name. And make sure it's cool._

* * *

**Hope you liked it. Ralax, I know, is a strange name. I don't know how I thought of it... anyhoo, thanks to everyone who reviewed!!! Much appreciated!**

**MtFbwy,**

**-Serena Kenobi**_  
_


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